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IN MEMORIAM: KIRK MACGREGOR

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Quick Links on this page: Memorial Service July 10, 2009 | Pastor Lori's Homily | Marcie Reese's Witness to Kirk | Highlights of Kirk's Life | Courage: A Tribute to Kirk MacGregor by Larry Price

United Methodist Men's Breakfast Pauses to Remember Kirk and Pray for His Family

July 11, 2009

Kirk MacGregor Remembered in Celebration of Life Memorial Service, July 10, 2009

By Larry Price

Published July 10, 2009

Marcie Reese (photo at left) stood before a sanctuary gathering of mourners and admitted she was not used to public speaking, but proceeded to deliver a heartfelt, loving, poignant and at times humorous tribute to her “good buddy” Kirk MacGregor. Marcie spoke of her friendship with Kirk and his family and how that respect and friendship for Kirk grew during the times she accompanied him to his medical appointments. She was eloquent and loving in her witness to Kirk’s life. Her tribute was a lesson to all of us that you don't need to be a trained speaker to witness to the life of a loved one, or to Christ's love. You only need to speak from your heart.

In her homily, The Rev. Lori Eldredge recalled how Kirk was often the first one to greet worshippers at the church in his role as head usher. She spoke of a man who was changed during his lifetime to a more loving person who accepted Christ in his heart and showed courage in battling his cancer to the very end. She related how the congregation of this church has supported the MacGregor family with its ministry of presence during Kirk's struggle with cancer.

The memorial service included some of Kirk’s favorite hymns, including Lord, You Have Come to the Lakeshore, and the reading of Psalm 139 which brought Kirk comfort in his final weeks.

Marie Noble, who as a teacher worked with Kirk in the North Kingstown School Department, remembered making brownies for Kirk and said she will always remember him whenever she bakes brownies again.

Following the memorial service, final ceremonies—military honors reflecting Kirk’s Viet Nam service with the Navy and his years with the Army National Guard—were held at the Rhode Island Veterans’ Cemetery in Exeter. A collation was held at the church for family and friends at the church following services at the cemetery.

Tomorrow, the United Methodist Men, a group close to Kirk, will meet at their monthly breakfast and offer their prayers for Kirk’s family and for Kirk, a man who will always be remembered for his service and his immeasurable courage and faith in the face of the cancer that took him to heaven.

In lieu of flowers, family requests memorial contributions to North Kingstown United Methodist Church, 450 Boston Neck Road, North Kingstown, RI 02852 or Home & Hospice Care of RI, 1085 North Main Street, Providence, RI 02904.  

Homily for Kirk D. MacGregor

July 29, 1949 – July 4, 2009

By The Rev. Lori Eldredge

Published July 10, 2009

Kirk lived on this earth just shy of 60 years.  Kirk was a man of faith, not one who simply professed faith in Christ on Sunday morning, but one who lived it throughout the week.  He came to faith late in his life, but he well understood the meaning of God’s grace.

Kirk was born in Pawtucket, and  had what might be considered a difficult childhood. Life was not easy for him and his siblings.   It was not something he chose to speak about , as he chose to live in the present.   But for years he did have a bit of chip on his shoulder, and he was not always easy to live with.   Kirk was honest about this, and he was honest about how he had to face himself and make changes.

He had served in the navy, and he had married. Kirk and Carolyn had a daughter  Susan.  With Carolyn’s brother & sister-in-law, Jim and Julia , they bought the duplex in Exeter and settled in.   It was a learning experience and there are some interesting stories better left for Jim to tell.   About ten years into the marriage Kirk and Carolyn separated and  divorced.  Kirk stayed involved with the family, but still carried that chip.  He lived with his mother; and  when she died, Kirk found his way back home.  Kirk and Carolyn eventually remarried.  Kirk had changed and he was the first admit it; it was more a confession.  He had come to understand forgiveness:  to forgive and to be forgiven, to be reconciled to God and to know God’s peace.  How many times should we forgive?   70 x 7.  He practiced forgiveness everyday and, I believe that each one of us who knew him would agree,  he was a better man because of it.

When Kirk returned home with Carolyn, he started coming to church, choosing on his own to be here.  The discussion each week wasn’t a matter of going to church or staying home; it was which service to attend -  the 8 o’clock or 10 o’clock.   And once here he became involved.  A few years ago when Lee decided to “retire”, Kirk became our head usher for the ten o’clock service.   It was at the back door that I met him just a year ago. How many of us were greeted by his handshake and warm smile.   He was present there every Sunday greeting people as they entered into the church , until  illness kept him away.    Even then he battled; he faced the cancer with courage,  and when we watched his health decline we were amazed at his spirit -  as sick as he was,  Kirk was present in worship two Sundays ago., less than a week before he was called home.    He was a member of the men’s group, attending the monthly men’s breakfast, until just four weeks ago.   He was looking forward to tomorrow morning.

There is a lot that can b said about Kirk and his interests.  Kirk loved baseball; he was, a Red Sox fan.  After visiting with Carolyn the other night she called to tell me he was also football fan,  of the Redskins.  Anyone who visited with him on the enclosed porch saw the helmet and football and knew about the Redskins.  And yes, he rooted for the Patriots, too.

I said before he served in the navy, 2 years, he was a veteran of the Vietnam War; and  he served in the Army National Guard, 27 years.

Kirk loved people -  he was friendly, affable might be a better word.  He got along with most everyone he met.   He was well liked in his work place, the North Kingstown School Department.   And on Saturday evenings he would gather with a small group of friends from the church to have dinner and play cards; and on Sunday morning  was in church with his extended family.

I believe there may be one or two persons who may want to share a brief witness to the grace they have received from God through Kirk’s life.  …

Kirk and Carolyn were most  grateful for the ministry of presence given by many in this church. So many of you visited, helping Carolyn to be able to do those thins necessary with her healing.    He welcomed everyone into his home, and was especially grateful for those who helped out these past three to four weeks.  The church came to him and your presence gave him strength.

Kirk entered his final freedom in the early morning hours of July 4^th . a freedom that is found only in Christ.    Kirk is at peace with God.  The cancer is gone – his body healed and he is whole.   The prophet Isaiah wrote that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint. [Isaiah 40:41]  Kirk was a husband, father, brother, uncle, a friend and he will be missed.  We need to hold on to the hope given in Christ.  Jesus in preparing to leave his disciples told of his Father’s house, he said:  “ 14‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe^* in God, believe also in me. ²In my Father’s house there are many dwelling-places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?... . ²⁷Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”[John 24 selected verses]

Because Kirk is with God we have the hope that one day we will see him again.  In the meantime our memories will keep him alive in our hearts and his witness will live on in our lives.  Kirk, may God bless you,  thy good and faithful servant. Amen.

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Witness to Kirk

By Marcie Reese

July 10, 2009

Good morning. First let me say, it is an honor to be able to speak today, but as many of you know I’m not really comfortable with public speaking; so please bear with me. I really want to express to you all how much Kirk means to me by sharing a few memories and thoughts of him.

Kirk was more than just a “friend.” He became my “buddy” and he was family to me. You see Kirk, Carolyn, Susan, Scott, Jim, Julia and their sons, allow my family and myself to join their family. They “adopted” us. It means a lot to me. I don’t know how to ever express to them all, other than tell how much it is appreciated.

Kirk and I got to be “good buddies” when I would take him for his treatments and doctor appointments. We had this little joke. We called those times “our dates.” Let me explain. In the beginning it was just Kirk and myself; and the doctors and nurses would think I was Kirk’s wife. But we would explain, “No, I was just a good family friend. Then after awhile Carolyn would come with us and so we would tell the doctors and nurses that Kirk was out with his two wives—Carolyn, his older wife and me as his younger wife. They would get a laugh out of that. Also on those special times when Kirk and I were alone, we had some really good talks which I will cherish. Kirk was a very brave man and he held onto to his faith and he told me to just have faith and things will get better.

Before we knew of Kirk’s illness, I had decided to make a prayer shawl for Carolyn as she was going to have shoulder surgery. I started crocheting it, and then we got the news about Kirk. So I changed it from being just for Carolyn, but for the two of them. I would take it with me while Kirk was having his treatments, and Kirk would marvel at the colors and how big it was getting. He would always ask, “How much longer is it going to be?” You see my shawl turned into a prayer afghan. When it was all done, I wrote a poem to go with it. I would like to read that to you now. It is called Forever Friends.

Forever Friends

Forever friends –

Reach out to me when you feel despair

And when your burdens are too many;

The load I will gladly share.

And when your heart grows weary

And dark clouds cover you

My Friends, I will stay right beside you

Until the sun shines through.

Forever friends,

We have shared so much

A special friendship we have come to know

We have laughed and cried together and

Helped each other

Forever friends

Within my heart a special place

For you is there

Because you are my forever friends

And I will always care and love you both.

We had some really good times, especially when we had our game night. It was Kirk, Carolyn, Paul, Jon, Sharon and myself. We had a potluck supper and then played cards. We would change houses and meals (who did what). But we all knew when it was Kirk and Carolyn’s turn to bring dessert, it would be something chocolate. You see that was Kirk’s favorite. Kirk was a real good sport as he would put up with Paul’s and Jon’s jokes—how he did it, I will never know.

On a serious note, Kirk was very dedicated to the church and took his responsibilities here seriously. He enjoyed being the head usher for the 10:00 AM service; He showed me by watching what he did every week so when he was no longer able to perform his duties, I was able to take over. But he would always ask me, “Who is the acolyte and who did I have for the offering?” So I would tell him and ask him, “Am I missing anything?” He was like my supervisor. I will miss him!!

Also family was important to Kirk. He enjoyed all the parties and get togethers because the whole family was there sharing in the fun and being together.

And one more thing before I close: Kirk would always thank me for helping and being there for him and Carolyn. I always told them both there wasn’t any other place I would want to be or doing anything else but being there for them as they have been there so much for me. So actually, I am the one that wants to say, “Thank you, Kirk for being my friend, my buddy and allowing me to be part of your family!!

Goodbye and I will love you always.

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Celebration of Life Memorial Service for Kirk MacGregor, will be held Friday July 10 at 10 AM at North Kingstown United Methodist Church, 450 Boston Neck Road, North Kingstown, RI 02852.

Following the service at the church, final committal will be held at Rhode Island Veterans Cemetery in Exeter, RI. A luncheon/collation will be held for family and friends back at the church following the services at the cemetery. Driving directions to the church | Obituary in Providence Journal | Link to funeral home announcement | In lieu of flowers, family requests memorial contributions to North Kingstown United Methodist Church or Home & Hospice Care of RI, 1085 North Main Street, Providence, RI 02904 will be appreciated.  

Kirk MacGregor Enters God's Heavenly Kingdom, Saturday July 4, 2009

After a courageous battle with cancer that lasted several months, Kirk MacGregor, passed away about 4 AM Saturday July 4 with his loving wife Carolyn and family at his bedside. The vigil began Friday afternoon with family, friends and Pastor Lori. On the morning of the celebration of our nation's declaration of independence, Kirk MacGregor is free of his earthly pain. May the Lord wrap His arms around Kirk's wife Carolyn and their family and comfort them in their sorrow. May all of us take a moment to pray for them and reflect on one man and one family's courage and love.

Photo at right, Kirk and Carolyn at worship, Sunday June 28, 2009

Courage: A Tribute to Kirk MacGregor

By Larry Price

Published July 4, 2009

Life is not always fair, especially when bad things happen to good people and death ends a life too soon. Kirk MacGregor died too soon and too young.

Writer Charles Swindoll once offered, “Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.” Kirk MacGregor’s 90 percent can be summed up in one word: Courage.

A sudden, and untimely death leaves us shocked, but a death that we know may be coming, despite all prayers and hope, forces us to witness a person’s courage, grace and faith—and learn. Over several months, we have seen the courage of Kirk MacGregor as he struggled with his cancer, and we have witnessed the grace of his wife Carolyn and the faith of good friends—and we have learned a life and death lesson.

(Photo at right, Kirk MacGregor, second from left, at UMM's monthly breakfast in April 2009)

Kirk showed remarkable resiliency when he surprised us by coming to Sunday worship and United Men’s breakfasts at times when his cancer and a bad fall were consuming his strength and trying to erode his hope. When Kirk came to our UMM breakfast in April, I was talking to another member of our church and asked him, "How are you doing?" He replied, "My back pain is really bad, but I'm not going to complain after seeing Kirk here today." A lesser person could have been content to give up, but Kirk never did. He was still running the race of life and holding on to hope, and ultimately to God’s grace, as the end of his life neared. 

(Photo at left: Kirk MacGregor, helped by brother-in-law Jim Moon, attended worship on Sunday June 7th; Photo at right, Pastor Lori serves Holy Communion to Kirk and Carolyn, also Sunday June 7th)

Throughout Kirk’s struggle with cancer, his wife Carolyn also has been strong. There have been moments, no doubt, when she struggled to put one foot after another in trying to cope with what she knew was coming, but her grace was always there. And, there was the faith and support of so many. Good family relatives Jim and Julia Moon were helping hands and hearts, a bridge over troubled waters for a struggling family. Richard Dunne and others from our church offered a ministry of presence, spending precious time with Kirk and offering prayer that not only filled a spiritual need for him, but also allowed Carolyn a respite, a chance to do ordinary tasks, such as grocery shopping, that suddenly had become overwhelming items on a crowded, never ending to-do list.    

Kirk was a long time usher at our weekly worship services. We enjoyed his fellowship at the monthly breakfasts and church luncheons, and he was always willing to help in the work of the church. He went about his service quietly, choosing to include his gifts and service in the 10 percent of his life that ‘happened to him’, but the 90 percent of his life he tithed to all of us was the courage he taught us in how he reacted to what life had dealt him.

Part of my ministry of words and photos is recording the events of our church. Often the photos capture joy, but a few reflect poignant and inspiring moments. The last photos of Kirk, his face badly bruised from a fall and his body frail from illness as he received Holy Communion in his church, were such moments. To all of us who felt his love and friendship, they are glowing tributes to a man who overcame all obstacles with the courage to spend precious time in God’s house with his church family. They are images that bring new meaning to getting out of bed and making an effort to get to worship, even in the worst of times. Behind the bruises and the effects of lengthy chemo, and the ravages of cancer, was the shining soul of a quiet man who inspired us with his courage, grace and faith in spite of all odds.

Writer Mary Anne Radmacher reminds us, “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”

May Kirk rest with God and may God comfort his family and all of us on our loss in all the tomorrows.  Amen.

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