Tribute to Sam Flade

In Memoriam - Edward Sam Flade, Jr.

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Quick links to all tributes on this page: Remembering Sam Flade, Memorial Service story, by Larry Price | I Remember My Dad, Eulogy by Robert Flade | Homily by The Rev. Lori Eldredge | In Memory of Sam Flade, by The Rev. Beverly Stenmark | A Witness in Memory of Sam Flade, by The Rev. Jonathan Almond | The Passing of Sam Flade, One of the Really Good Guys, by Larry Price | Highlights of Sam's Life

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Church filled to capacity with love for Sam Flade at Memorial Service June 5, 2009

The Rev. Jonathan Almond, who was pastor at North Kingstown UMC during the difficult years of the Navy base closing, eulogizes Sam Flade and tells a packed gathering how much Sam meant to his church.

Members of Fleet Reserve Branch say goodbye to shipmate Sam Flade at memorial service. Sam served in the Navy for 20 years.

Remembering Sam Flade

Memorial Service, June 5, 2009

By Larry Price

Memorial services are a time for family and friends to celebrate a life that passes to God’s Heavenly Kingdom—a time to mourn, but also to cheer the blessings given to us and let the sadness begin to change to smiles and good memories. Sam Flade’s life was a blessing to many recorded on the faces among the large gathering of family and friends who came to honor him in a Celebration of Life Memorial Friday June 5th at North Kingstown United Methodist Church.

In an emotional eulogy, Sam’s son Robert recalled a loving father who always found time for family and friends. He painted in words a picture of a father who was always loving, but who also could give you a look that told you without harsh discipline that life is not always fair, but you have to follow the script. He recalled how many people have told him about his father’s smile, Sam’s largest quality that friends remember. (Robert's eulogy text included farther below)

In her homily, Pastor Lori Eldredge pointed out that two of this church’s largest icons, the stained glass cross in the Narthex and the lighted cross in the sanctuary, were made by Sam’s talented and gentle hands (Pastor Lori's full text is farther below). She also read from an email in which former pastor, The Rev. Beverly Stenmark, reflected on Sam’s playful sense of humor (Pastor Beverly's remarks also farther below).

The Rev. Jonathan Almond, who shepherded the church during its difficult years after the Navy base closing when membership was scattered across the country, recounted Sam’s work in rebuilding the church he loved so much—a church where Sam was a charter member since its founding in 1966. The Rev. Almond said, “The legacy Sam gives each of us today is his infectious “can do” spirit by which he lived each day with hope and faith. May we rejoice and live our lives after the example he has provided.” (See full text of Rev. Almond's remarks farther below)

In a moving ceremony, Sam’s shipmates from Fleet Reserve, retired Navy veterans who spent careers on ships serving their country, bid a final farewell to Sam, their shipmate departed. Members of Sam's Masonic Lodge also honored their brother with a reading of the 23rd Psalm.

The memorial service ended with the singing of the hymn, Eternal Father, Strong to Save, also known as the Navy hymn.

Following the memorial service, a committal service with full military honors was held at the Rhode Island Veterans Cemetery in Exeter. And later, a luncheon was held at the church where family and friends broke bread and enjoyed fellowship, recalling more memories of a man who in the weeks before his death, had told clergy and family he was ready to meet God.

During the luncheon, I overheard a lady remark, "It is obvious your church comes together for one of your own." She's right. This church, born out of dreams, nourished by the Holy Spirit, and held together by faith during difficult times, pulls together as a family, just as families should.

Saying goodbye is never easy and Sam’s wife Vivian was a vision of grace and courage throughout the day. We continue to offer our prayers for her and the family as they move forward in a life without Sam, knowing his spirit remains in our hearts forever.

I Remember My Dad

Eulogy by Robert Flade, Sam's son

June 5, 2009

When Rev. Eldridge asked me if I wanted to say anything today I didn’t think I would be able. But after talking with her for a little about what a gift this would be from me to him – I decided I would like to.

This is the man I remember:

1. A man who taught us that life isn’t fair. As he would always say, “No one said it would be” but that didn’t mean you didn’t participate in life or that you sat around pouting. Until speaking with my Aunt some years ago, I never knew how difficult of a childhood my father had. He never dwelled on it. He moved forward and made sure that my brother and I had a great childhood. And my brother and I agree – we did.

2. A man who, when we would be watching a movie and didn’t like some part of it, would always say, “because that is the way it’s written in the script”.

3. A man who took good care of his family. Some years ago we were talking and he made a comment about “the lean years”. My brother and I never knew. We always knew that there was the house to live in, food to eat, toys to play with (especially birthdays and Christmas), and loving parents who would take care of us.

4. A man who never seemed to get upset with us. Sure there was “the look” and you knew you didn’t want to cross the line. And there were times I know I disappointed him but he never told us that. Looking back on it he helped pick us up, guide us to the correct destination, and continued to love us.

5. A man who seemed to have much more energy that I think I will ever have. He would work all day, come home and play with us, fix things around the house, and then do it all again the next day.

6. A man who was always involved in his faith. Being one of the found members/Charter members of this church. He seemed to find it an obligation to make sure this church survived. Investing his time, talents, and tides.

7. A man who, on Saturday mornings, would pretend to be asleep and my brother and I would run in and roll him out of his bed onto the floor. He would laugh & we would laugh. Looking back on it - what we found so funny about potentially injuring my father I’m not sure. . . but we had a good time!

8. A man who believed in his country and did what he felt he needed to in order to defend it.

9. A man that was always learning. After he retired he took up stained glass making which many people here have pieces of his art work. The church even has a the stained glass cross in the office.

10. Lastly, I remember a man who was the best dad (even by today’s standards) we could have ever had.

What I learned from my dad:

1. Life isn’t fair – but it’s life and it is to be lived. Don’t dwell on the possessions that you don’t have or the things that you think should be done different. But to live your life and be happy.

2. Just because it is “written in the script” doesn’t mean you have to like it. But you do have to accept it and move forward.

3. Every evening after dinner you should sit around the living room with your family, watch TV or play games, and have fresh made popcorn or ice cream.

4. Fun was what you made it. Playing games outside, penny ante poker (which my brother and I must be the world champions because we won almost every hand), building a fort in the basement of the house, or going to Dell’s on a hot day.

5. People are more important that things. He would help anyone do anything. How he found the time I don’t know but he would put in a garage door opener for a neighbor, install a hot water tank for someone else, build a stain glass window for someone who wanted “something different”, or just be the raw muscle to help a neighbor lift or move something.

6. To be there – my father was ready to pass weeks ago. However, he knew he had to be there for my mother, brother, and myself until we had time to accept the fact. He didn’t like the quality of his life the last few weeks and he told me numerous times that he knew God was waiting for him – but he hung on until we were able to accept it.

7. Face life with dignity – he died the way he lived a peaceful man. I have witnessed many people’s death and I can tell you that God gave my father a graceful death.

8. That life is a transient gift and to live each day to the fullest. Once you can’t live each day the way you want, than live it the best you can.

9. However, something that I learned from my dad that I never realized until this past week – he taught me that you need to always SMILE. I never thought about it but always saw it. He always had a smile on his face. I probably wouldn’t have ever thought about it however, everyone we talked to over the last week (from church members, restaurant workers, mechanics, investment bankers, neighbors, convenient store owners, etc.) would say something about his smile. I’ve walked around work and people have told me that I seem to have a smile on my face a lot. I guess it’s just one of those wonderful legacies my father engrained in us. It’s something that I’m going to make sure I do more and remember my dad when I see a smile.

10. Lastly, that his faith was absolute. He did not see death as something to fear or something that was an ending. He said time after time that God was waiting for him. I’m sure that he is here now with us and wanting to comfort us so that we have a smile on our face. . . because that is what he believed in.

My mother received a card and it stated:

Some people make a difference by Emily Matthews

Some people make a difference just by being who they are,

Their inner light shines bright and touches lives both near and far,

And even when they’re gone,

They still forever play a part in the smiles and the priceless moments that are treasured in the heart.

In memory and celebration of someone who made this world a brighter and better place.

I know he never looked to be a role model and never looked for the lights to shine on him. However, looking into the church today I can see how much of a difference my dad made in peoples lives and I hope he knew it.

Thank you for coming here today to support my family and to honor my father’s memory.

Homily for Memorial Service for “Sam” Edward J. Flade Jr

By The Rev. Lori Eldredge

June 5, 2009

We have come to celebrate “Sam” Edward Flade’s life this morning. A celebration is a joyous occasion for even though Sam is no longer with us, his life is complete, and his life is with God.

And we celebrate because Sam’s life was a gift from God: to him and to everyone he met.

Sam began life on May 16, 1927 in Chicago where he was raised by his mother and grandmother. To his sister Dorothy, and brother Harold or “Hack”, he was Junie - short for junior. They grew up in the depression era. Times were tough, but he grew up with a sense of humor and good spirit. Life is a gift and our lives are gifted with rich potential, with choices given by God. I’ve heard it said more than once that what we do with our lives, how we live our lives, is our gift back to God.

Sam joined the Navy toward the end of World War II and saw active duty aboard ship off the Americas and in the Asian – Pacific, in the Philippines. During his 20 year career he saw active duty aboard 12 different aircraft carriers, including the Hornet. He was not long into this career though when he met a young woman who would become his wife. Vivian was a bit reluctant to go out the night she actually met him. She was staying home to wash her hair, and she had other things she wanted to do. Her mother finally convinced her to go out, and she did… the rest is history. They were married in September of 1951 and shared 58 wonderfully amazing years. Sam’s navy career kept the family moving. More than once their sons, John and Rob, were bundled into the car and off Viv would drive to see Sam’s ship off or to meet it when it docked after 6 months at sea.

Sam worked with sheet metal during his naval career and after retirement his older son John introduced him to working with stained glass. The cross in the narthex is his creation, as is the cross before us, and many other pieces. Both required strong and steady hands. Strong and steady would also describe his spirit. He was a gentle man, easy going, with a wonderful sense of humor, and I think it safe to say that he left a smile with everyone he met.

Sam was a man of faith; he deeply loved his church. Sam was supposed to be assigned to Sinc-Pac, the Pacific Coast for his final duty, but when he received his papers he was sent to Quonset Point. He could have objected but didn’t and they came to Rhode Island. Sam and Viv connected with the faith community that would become the North Kingstown United Methodist Church. They were charter members along with some other Navy families.

It was their vision that planted this church, and it was their strong faith that saw it through devastating times when the government shut down the navy base in 1974; that with the encouragement and leadership of a young pastor, now retired, and with us today. I would like to invite Rev. Jon Almond to come and bring us a few words of remembrance and celebration.

Sam lived by a motto “Keep it simple.” It’s hard to do that when Sam had such a full life: square dancing, navy career, Masonic Lodge, Fleet Reserve, church. He was a father, uncle, and grandfather, a beloved husband, a friend to so many people. He could be quite playful. I remember the Sunday he stood in the Narthex, a cup of coffee in his hand and talking with Al. When I approached, still very new, he asked if I knew who made the cross. Thankfully it had already been pointed out to me that he had made the stained glass cross. When I responded “You?” he just grinned.

The Reverend Beverly Stenmark sent along a note. I’d like to share a portion of it with you…. the full note is in the memory book [Full note from The Rev. Stenmark is farther below].

“I wish that I could be with you today. Unfortunately, that isn’t possible, but I will be with you in spirit and will be holding all of you in prayer. Having been away for a year, I find it hard to believe that Sam has really finished his earthly life and has left us to be in his heavenly home.

Probably like many of you, when I think of Sam, I see him standing in the narthex talking with the people he loved to be with. Of course, he has a cup of coffee in his hand. At some point Sam said that he had been told that there was only one cup of coffee per person. This, of course, created a problem since Sam would get to church early and leave late. Obviously he needed more than one cup and we came up with a solution. Since I don’t drink coffee, I offered my cup to Sam; an offer that he happily accepted. From then on we would joke about the coffee he was drinking and whether it was his cup or my cup. We would joke about how sometimes I really needed that cup of coffee and hoped that the cup he was drinking was mine. At one point, I told him I was considering giving up coffee for Lent, or giving up caffeine completely. He told tell me that he hoped I wouldn’t do that because he would miss my coffee and eventually I assured him that I had decided not to give up the coffee. I know this is ridiculous but is indicative of the wonderful way that Sam could joke with people, and his way of creating relationships out of almost any interaction….I want you to know that you are not alone, that you are being held in prayer as you adjust to life without Sam. During the times when you feel most alone, know that the God who loved Sam everyday of his life, continues to love you and walk with you.”

Creating relationships… this is what Sam did… he made a difference in people’s lives and we are richer for it. His most important relationship was with God in Jesus Christ. He was a man of faith, a believing in Jesus Christ and living a humble life.

I would invite you to hear the words of Jesus as he prepared to leave his disciples.

John 14:

¹‘Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe^* in God, believe also in me. ²In my Father’s house there are many dwelling-places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?^* ³And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. ⁴And you know the way to the place where I am going. ¹⁸ I will not leave you orphaned; I am coming to you. ¹⁹In a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me; because I live, you also will live. ²⁵ ‘I have said these things to you while I am still with you. ²⁶But the Advocate,^* the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you. ²⁷Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

We can celebrate today because Sam is at peace with God, a peace Jesus also gives to us; a peace that comes with the assurance that we will see Sam again, and we will be gathered together as a faith community. We shall see God and we will share eternity together.

Before Sam was ours, he is Gods. He came from God and has returned to God. A couple of weeks ago, when he was in South County Hospital, we had opportunity for some quiet conversation. He smiled and he said to me, “Pastor Lori, I’m 82 and I have no regrets. I’m ready to go home.”

Friends, today he is at home. Sam, we love you and we will miss you. May God bless you as you serve as a citizen of heaven. Well done thy good and faithful servant.

In Memory of Sam Flade

By The Rev Beverly Stenmark

6/5/09

I wish that I could be with you today. Unfortunately, that isn’t possible, but I will be with you in spirit and will be holding all of you in prayer. Having been away for a year, I find it hard to believe that Sam has really finished his earthly life and has left us to be in his heavenly home.

Sam’s hobby of working with stained glass enriched many of our lives. We have been gifted to have the wonderful cross that he made hanging in the narthex. But there is another piece that made a real difference to me. When the Trustees were trying to redo the pastor’s office we debated about how to put a window in the door leading to the hallway without violating the confidentiality sometimes needed in that office. The solution was a stained glass window that Sam made. That window was a witness to the resurrection faith that sustained and guided Sam’s life. It also gave the office the feeling of not being as closed in. When I looked at that window I would whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for Sam.

Viv, Robbie, and Jody, I just want you to know that Sam was a much loved man who made a difference in the lives of many of us. Usually it was in seemingly small ways – ways that Sam would probably not even recognize, but ones that were important all the same. I want you to know that you are not alone, that you are being held in prayer as you adjust to life without Sam. During the times when you feel most alone, know that the God who loved Sam everyday of his life, continues to love you and walk with you.

Remarks by The Rev. Jonathan Almond at Memorial Service for Sam Flade

A Witness in Memory of Sam Flade

by Rev. Jonathan Almond

We have gathered here to worship God and witness to the life of Sam Flade. It is good to see so many of his family, friends, and colleagues. This would please Sam. I can just picture his big wide grin and sparkling eyes ready to greet each of you with a warm hearted embrace. He was a remarkable man of faith, kindness and honor.

Sam was a lynch-pin kind of person. He was one who helped develop and build community through his activities, cheerful attitude and affirmation for all around him. He was a can-do kind of guy who could tackle the toughest problems and find solid solutions. He was a mentor providing insight and challenge for growing minds and expanding hearts. He sought the best and brightest in his own life while motivating those who knew him to be better and brighter human beings. He helped us to become better people, more loving and whole. He liked to be with people and provided an inviting personality where people could gather and share their lives.

Sam had a sense of inspired conviviality. He was an irrepressible optimist. There was always a hint of humor in his voice and a hint of mischief in his sparkling eyes. He knew the value of fair play and was quick to invent ways to be at play, whether that be building the flying ghosts swinging to and fro outside the house at 64 Hornet Drive to delight trick-or-treaters, to spark laughter with a circle of friends, or to twirl with Viv in a square dance.

Kindness, humility, integrity and honor marked his life. Kind words and encouragement were given on countless occasions to young and old alike. He also had the “look”. John and Rob know what I’m talking about – the non-verbal look which could speak volumes about the right way to act with dignity and respect in every moment of time.

I was asked to recount a story about a sermon I preached on the work of the church very early in my ministry here at North Kingstown. Quonset Point Naval Air Station had closed and most of the work at Davisville had been transferred. There was a massive exodus of active Navy personnel and their families from the area. The members of this church were grieving the loss of so many friends and members in such a short span of six to eight weeks. Back then residential neighborhoods in town looked deserted with “For Sale” signs at every third house. It was a tough time and with a brand new church building and a hefty mortgage to pay the few remaining members of the church struggled mightily to keep things going, not just at church but in all areas of their lives.

The sermon was based on a round piece of wood. On it was printed the word “TUIT”. I spoke about the losses we had experienced and then focused on how we were going to survive, but more than that thrive and become strong as a church. I had visited all of our members and friends. Many were wondering if we were going to have to close the church and many others said they really didn’t have the energy to devote to church when so much else was falling apart in their lives and community. One person said to me, “Pastor, there so many things needing my attention right now and the church is down the list somewhere. Sooner or later I’ll help when I get around to it.”

Everyone in church got round “TUITS” that Sunday. I said there was no more excuse to put off the work of the church. We needed to be a vital community of faith providing support for one another in these tough times. We also needed to be a beacon of strength for the entire community. It was a transformational moment in the life of this church. The time had come to get around to it.

Sam kept his round TUIT just as I’ve kept my round TUIT. They are a reminder of what we accomplished together and more importantly, of who we are and Whose we are as people of faith, bound to one another in love and committed to walking humbly with God.

The legacy Sam gives each of us today is his infectious “can do” spirit by which he lived each day with hope and faith. May we rejoice and live our lives after the example he has provided.

Update, Monday June 1, 2009

A Celebration of Life Memorial Service for Sam Flade will be held Friday June 5 at 9 AM at North Kingstown UMC, 450 Boston Neck Road, North Kingstown, RI (Directions to the church). Committal with full military honors at Rhode Island Veterans Cemetery, Exeter, RI will follow the memorial service. After the services at the cemetery, family and friends are invited to a luncheon/collation at the church. In lieu of flowers, family requests donations to North Kingstown United Methodist Church, 450 Boston Neck Road, North Kingstown, RI 02852, or Fleet Reserve Association, Branch #42, PO Box 184, North Kingstown, RI 02852 or Home & Hospice Care of Rhode Island, 169 George Street, Pawtucket, RI 02860.

The Passing of Sam Flade

Edward “Sam” Flade, One of the Really Good Guys

By Larry Price

Published May 29, 2009

You always knew where to find Sam Flade after Sunday worship. He would be standing in his usual corner of the Narthex, coffee cup in hand and a constant smile on his face, holding court with the regulars and offering greetings to everyone who walked by.

The discussions with Sam ranged from how the Red Sox or the Patriots were doing to whatever subject came up. He was a fountain of opinion and knowledge, gleaned from a long life of experiences. He always spoke in kindness and usually with a sense of humor. But the smile … the smile was always there. Even if he was not feeling well, he never complained and he never let it get him down.

Photo: Sam and Viv Flade at celebration of church's 40th anniversary in 2006

Photo: Stained glass cross made by Sam for our Narthex

He was a Navy veteran and he had tales to tell, but he was most interested in hearing about you. Sadly, his illness kept him from returning to his beloved church one last time before he went to his final rest on Friday May 29th. He was 82.

Sam was one of the best loved and admired people in our church. He identified with everyone, young and old and he admired all of their talents—from commenting on the musical talents of a young person at a church talent show to remarking about how much service a member did for our church.

Sam and wife Vivian were charter members of the church, dating back to 1967. In younger, healthier days, he was a workhorse for the church, sustaining it and loving it with deep and abiding faith. Over the years, he served on many committees, including Trustees, which prompted our former pastor, The Rev. Beverly Stenmark, to tell him she was appointing him a lifetime member of the committee whether he participated or not.

The stained glass cross which has adorned the wall in our Narthex for many years now was made by Sam's gentle hands. He was a gifted artist who crafted beautiful pieces of stained glass, offered at our annual Harvest Festivals for many years.

We have all prayed that he would recover from this latest illness, but we also know Sam well enough to believe he was prepared for the outcome. Sam Flade was a man of faith, family and friendships who will be mourned and greatly missed. There is an empty spot in our hearts and in that corner of the Narthex where he gathered to hold court.

We pray for his wife Vivian and their family in this difficult time and pray the Lord surround them with His love and comfort. When we take stock of our church, where it came from and where it’s going, we count Sam Flade among the true treasures God has bestowed upon us. Hold his memory close and when you remember him, let a smile come to your face, because that’s the way he would want to be remembered. He truly was a precious child of God.

Photo: Sam and Viv with other charter members Eleanor Bourn, who died Easter Sunday 2007, and Ida Green.

Highlights of Sam Flade's life

* Chief Petty Officer, USN Retired. 20-year career with US Navy, serving in World War II on 12 aircraft carriers.

* Worked at Quonset Point Naval Air Station, Electric Boat, General Dynamics and Air Metal Works.

* Charter member of NK United Methodist Church since 1967.

* Whirlaway Square Dance Club

* Fleet Reserve Association, Branch 42, Davisville

* 32nd degree Mason, member of the Scottish Rite, Washington Lodge #5 AF & AM

* Son of the late Edward J. and Madelyn E. Flade

* Survived by wife Vivian, sons John (wife Jodeen) and Robert Flade; sister Dorothy Chors; brother Harold Flade and two grandchildren, Peter and Julianna.

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